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| Puerta del Perdón (Door of Forgiveness, in Colegiate de San Isidoro, León) |
Forgiveness is a virtue. However, if we follow Jesus’ advice and forgive others 70x7...how long must we keep on forgiving before we lose our sense of dignity, our pride and mind?
Example A
A husband is cheated by his wife and he forgives her. She, then, cheats again...and again he forgives her. Let’s say that she cheats on him 70x7; I doubt it that this understanding and patient man will forgive his spouse 70x7, for his pride will have been pierced by the first time she does it, his trust on her will never be restored by the second time she transgresses, his dignity will be forever wounded and humiliation will breach the walls of his being as she cheats her relationship away.
Example B
A child is rude and his parents forgive him. Then the child begins to slap his mother; once again he is forgiven. The kid, now, starts to viciously kill birds and cats...parents overlook it for after all it is only a phase. The adolescent harms kids around the neighbourhood for fun; parents don’t question themselves because their child is not a hooligan. Their son is caught by the police and his parents forgive him once again because Christ says they are to forgive 70x7.
Could forgiving 70x7 be some sort of denial or fear of confronting the stark reality?
Example C
A woman has a best friend who keeps misleading and failing on her. This woman always finds a plausible explanation for her friend’s behaviour and forgives him 70x7 for each backstabbing. Time goes by and forgiving 70x7 doesn’t seem so intelligent, so ethical, so patient and virtuous any longer: in fact, doing so begins to seem a sign of weakness, a sign of fear to confront the truth, a sign of dread of dismissing a familiar behavioural pattern.
So, what is the point of understanding and forgiving 70x7? What will be the end result of understanding, accepting and pardoning 70x7?
Knowing people: bitterness, resentment, madness and drastic measures.
Forgiving is good, in fact, it is admirable; but forgiving 70x7 is to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, it is annulling oneself, it is numbing its own nature, it is avoiding to face the music and it is dodging real change.
Comments
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Dissecting Society™ welcomes all sorts of comments, as we are strong advocates of freedom of speech; however, we reserve the right to delete Troll Activity; libellous and offensive comments (e.g. racist and anti-Semitic) plus those with excessive foul language. This blog does not view vulgarity as being protected by the right to free speech. Cheers
My understanding of forgiveness might be a little different. I do believe that we must forgive others, and must continue to do so as long as they commit offenses against us. However, I do not believe we intended to put ourselves in a position to be abused or mistreated. We can extricate ourselves from the abusive situation, while still forgiving them in our heart.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason for forgiveness in my opinion isn't for the benefit of the one who hurts us, but for our own good. If we do not forgive, those feelings of anger damage us like poison. I read the analogy once of a person who is bit by a snake. What is the wisest course; to turn and expend our efforts in killing the snake, or to seek medical help? Physicians tell us to seek help in getting the poison out of our system so that it will not kill us. Anger and hatred have just as damaging effect upon our souls. Forgiveness, in the end, blesses us more than the person who gave us the offense.
Hi D!
ReplyDelete:D
"I do believe that we must forgive others, and must continue to do so as long as they commit offenses against us. However, I do not believe we intended to put ourselves in a position to be abused or mistreated."
I understand what you mean; however if you keep forgiving someone who continuously, with full conscience, commits offenses against you, don't you think you are willingly submitting yourself to abuse? One can ignore the intent to be mistreated (because no one likes to be mistreated or abused) and yet be abused anyway....
"The main reason for forgiveness in my opinion isn't for the benefit of the one who hurts us, but for our own good. If we do not forgive, those feelings of anger damage us like poison."
Also true. However, constant forgiveness compels one to divert from the issue or (what is worst) find ways to justify why one is to forgive and then not deal with the problem and finally be lead to feelings of anger just as well. What to do, then?
"I read the analogy once of a person who is bit by a snake. What is the wisest course; to turn and expend our efforts in killing the snake, or to seek medical help? Physicians tell us to seek help in getting the poison out of our system so that it will not kill us. Anger and hatred have just as damaging effect upon our souls. Forgiveness, in the end, blesses us more than the person who gave us the offense."
It depends: if one is skilled, one can take the poison out for itself; avoiding thus medical help (and be just as efficient).
Nevertheless, forgiveness can have that soothing feeling you speak of, true...but does it have the same effect by the 490th time (per each transgression)? I don't know...
D, fabulous comment...simply fabulous, for which I thank you a million times :D.
Cheers
Hi Max,
ReplyDeleteForgiveness teaches us how to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. By forgiving others, we are not holding that pain in our heart. In that sense, it's a release.
If we find that we have to keep forgiving someone who hurts us then it is not healthy to either party.
Because some of us are so tied into the guilt of not forgiving, we may forgive others even when we don't feel like we should.
Forgiving is still good, but there has to be a balance of forgiving and communication as to why people are doing things to us that we have to forgive.
Great topic my friend.
Forgiving Cheers!
Hi Lady A :D!
ReplyDelete"Forgiveness teaches us how to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. By forgiving others, we are not holding that pain in our heart. In that sense, it's a release."
So true.
"If we find that we have to keep forgiving someone who hurts us then it is not healthy to either party."
Agreed.
"Because some of us are so tied into the guilt of not forgiving, we may forgive others even when we don't feel like we should."
And if we feel like we shouldn't: isn't that the voice of the heart (i.e. of the essence) telling us that we are not to insist upon destructive behaviours?
"Forgiving is still good, but there has to be a balance of forgiving and communication as to why people are doing things to us that we have to forgive."
*nodding in agreement*...
"Great topic my friend."
*Bowing* thank you.
Lady A, superb comment...one that makes us think; and for that I thank you ever so much :D.
Forgiving Cheers
Hey MAX... to always forgive its an action or extreme submission, thats not at the reach of all.... if someones acts wrong (...and what is this???), in my opinion there must be an evaluation and decision (and can be done fast)but what if our bases dont let us see ahead "..it is annulling oneself..."), then we are mistaken, and then can we correct the mistake? i mean to forgive is always possible but to unforgive....there's no such forgivometer so we can accurately evaluate ... but one thing is for sure its better to live with forgiveness rather then guilt of having done nothing to overcome issues...
ReplyDeleteall the best
gallardo
Ciao Gallardo :D!
ReplyDeleteMy, my, my...your comment matched this blog's motto: Intellectually Sexy *applauding*!
Thank you ever so much for such a delight: I loved it *bowing*!
G, always a true pleasure.
Cheers
I do not believe that any one can truly forgive. It is an ideal that one tries to reach, but rarely, if ever, succeeds in reaching. It may be possible for enlightened souls to do that, but for ordinary seekers, it is just a goal to reach.
ReplyDeleteHey Max thank you so much for your comment on my blog, I miss you too girl. Hope all is well with you.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post as always. You know Max out of three examples, I probably keep forgiving my child (not to mention I probably tried to help to put him on the right path also). For me love towards a child is is unconditional, especially for me.
Max, you are dedicated blogger, lol, good for you.
Hugs and kisses, and more from Matthew.
Anna :)
I believe there is an happy medium somewhere between forgiving too easily and holding grudges forever. I tend to forgive but eventually, it the situation happens to often or really affects me, I'd speak up.
ReplyDeleteHey Rummy :D!
ReplyDelete"I do not believe that any one can truly forgive. It is an ideal that one tries to reach, but rarely, if ever, succeeds in reaching."
That is true for most people, unfortunately. It is easy to forgive, but do people forget? And if they don't forget, can they really forgive?
"It may be possible for enlightened souls to do that, but for ordinary seekers, it is just a goal to reach."
It depends on the ordinary seeker and on the degree of his/her evolution.
Rummy, I loved your comment, I really did: thank you so so much :D!
Cheers
Hi Anna :D!
ReplyDelete"Max thank you so much for your comment on my blog, I miss you too girl. Hope all is well with you."
It is my pleasure, girl :D. Everything is super, thanks *bowing*!
"Excellent post as always. You know Max out of three examples, I probably keep forgiving my child (not to mention I probably tried to help to put him on the right path also). For me love towards a child is is unconditional, especially for me."
Thank you :). LOL ah mothers, mothers.., lol ;).
Unconditional love is not that unconditional, not really for there is always an underlying condition...look at God and His children; not even His Love is unconditional.
"Max, you are dedicated blogger, lol, good for you."
lol I try, girl. I try.
"Hugs and kisses, and more from Matthew."
Oooh, so sweet: hugs and kisses to baby Matt :D!
Girl, thank you so much for your input and I am sending you lots of hugs and kisses too :D.
Cheers
Hey Zhu :D!
ReplyDelete"I believe there is an happy medium somewhere between forgiving too easily and holding grudges forever."
It makes sense...
"I tend to forgive but eventually, it the situation happens to often or really affects me, I'd speak up."
Speaking up is the first step to forgive; but do you forget?
Zhu, adored your input and for that I thank you so much :D.
Cheers
I believe in forgiveness of the occasional wrong, or the unintentional slight. But when hurtful behavior becomes a pattern and/or malice is involved, then it does become self-effacing and self-destructive to continue to swallow it. It is at that point at which I choose to walk away.
ReplyDeleteAnd moreover, people who are capable of stepping on other's heads to try to reach their perceived platform of achievement, recognition, or success, will not feel remorse or even acknowledge those behaviors, if confronted.
As always, Max, you dig to the heart of things. I am grateful for your presence.
And PS, this post has a particular relevance to me right now, because of a recent, very unpleasant experience.
I hope all is well, dear Max, and I apologize for my lateness in getting here. It seems that I am getting later and later, in getting to all the things I want and have to do!
Hugs to you.