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...Yes, they kill me whenever they reject the consequences of their own choices, and then take it out of their significant-other.
There are women who marry men whose job is critical. They know, from the start, their men have these jobs and yet they end up messing up the relationship.
Let’s take a quick look at some examples:
Situation A
A woman starts dating a doctor (now, we all know how demanding this beautiful profession is). She marries him, they have kids and she decides to stop working. He spends a lot of time in the hospital (which is natural) and when he comes home, after 30 hours of work, he has to listen to his wife complaining about how he is never at home, and how the kids miss him.
Hello! Lady, you knew he was a doctor when you married him, what did you expect? As for the kids, stop transferring to them your frustration and be a real mother (i.e. mom & dad all in one).
Situation B
A woman dates a soldier (and we all know what it means to be a soldier). Only, he is not a plain soldier, and he explains that to her (even though he doesn’t offer much details – for obvious reasons). She marries him, and she keeps her job. He spends long periods of time on missions; and when he returns home his wife complains how lonely she is, and how he is never around when she gets home from work (thus, not having anyone to share her day with) and she wants the divorce…
Hello! Lady, being the wife of a soldier can be tough; but hey, why don’t you interact with the other wives? You knew how things would be…why did you marry the guy?
Situation C
A woman marries a secret agent. When they were dating, she was explained that he worked for the government and that he was not allowed to discuss his job: she accepted it. In the beginning all went rather well, but after a time she began to grow weary of not knowing exactly what he did – once she even said “for all I know you could be killing people!”…what a folly!
This type of woman wishes to make the man choose between her and his job – big mistake!
Lady, you knew what he was involved in; you knew he couldn’t talk about it…so why the fuss? Do you have that much need to be the centre of the universe?
The examples are endless: women who marry fire-fighters; women who marry police officers; women who marry security guards; women who marry nurses etc…
The point is: if a lady chooses to consciously embark in a relationship with all its intricacies, then she is liable for her own choices (plus its consequences), and therefore, before discontentment, she has no right to blame her man or anyone else.
Be a Woman, with capital W, and face your own music!
Image: Margaret in Church by Eugéne Delacroix
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Dissecting Society™ welcomes all sorts of comments, as we are strong advocates of freedom of speech; however, we reserve the right to delete Troll Activity; libellous and offensive comments (e.g. racist and anti-Semitic) plus those with excessive foul language. This blog does not view vulgarity as being protected by the right to free speech. Cheers
Great post! I was married to a doctor who was also in the military. We didn't have much time together but I knew that going into the marriage. I didn't complain about it. How could I complain when he was taking care of the health of the men and women in uniform. Our time together was precious. I lost this wonderful man six years ago.
ReplyDeleteI developed my own interests, I'm pretty independent anyway and we had a great life.
Thanks for this post. It's an important issue.
Hi Max!
ReplyDeleteI missed a lot reading your posts, but i am finally back:)
I've just read your article and i totally agree with you. I haven't heard about any secret agent stories from my friends but the rest is so true.
If you ask me, some of those women are getting married 'just to get married', then they have to accept the bad results of their false decisions (i want to refer it as 'so called marriage' by having children and sitting at home)
Oh Max, i'd like to write more about your post but Joerg is calling me to watch a movie:)
i am gonna write you soon!
Cheers
Burcu
Max, how many of examples B and C have you encountered in Portugal? The main example I am familiar with is the girl who marries a deadbeat, but then is surprised when she must get a job to provide for the family and must additionally take care of the needs of the kids and husband during her non-working hours.
ReplyDeleteHey MW :D!
ReplyDelete"Great post!"
Thank you so much *bowing*!
"I was married to a doctor who was also in the military. We didn't have much time together but I knew that going into the marriage. I didn't complain about it. How could I complain when he was taking care of the health of the men and women in uniform. Our time together was precious. I lost this wonderful man six years ago.
I developed my own interests, I'm pretty independent anyway and we had a great life."
You are a fine example of a Woman with capital W :D! I am sorry for your loss :(...but God blessed you with Mountain Man :D.
Thanks for having shared your wonderful experience :D!
"Thanks for this post. It's an important issue."
You are welcome. I think it is as well...
MW, thanks a million for your comment (loved it) :D!
Cheers
Burcu, Hi!!!! :D
ReplyDelete"I missed a lot reading your posts, but i am finally back:)"
Welcome back, girl! You were missed!! :D
"If you ask me, some of those women are getting married 'just to get married', then they have to accept the bad results of their false decisions (i want to refer it as 'so called marriage' by having children and sitting at home)"
There is nothing wrong with having children and staying at home taking care of them (that, per se, is already a full time job); but those women who have children and sit around doing nothing (not even taking care of their offspring) ahhh...those women kill me.
You are right, some get married for the sake of getting married: they do not think of the consequences of their actions (which is sad).
"Oh Max, i'd like to write more about your post but Joerg is calling me to watch a movie:) i am gonna write you soon!"
It's ok, girl! Go to your hubby :D! I'll be waiting ;)...
Burcu, thank you so much for your input :D!
Cheers
Hi Max,
ReplyDeleteBirds of a feather flock together hence get married to someone on your line of work. It's not a guaranteed success but it helps.
Hey Looney :D!
ReplyDelete"Max, how many of examples B and C have you encountered in Portugal?"
My universe is much larger than Portugal however:
In Portugal there are a lot of examples B (since we are in Nato and in the UN we have a lot of soldiers deployed around the world - we are even in Afghanistan).
About example C: we have secret services here too (S.I.S - http://www.sis.pt/en/index.php), although it is almost a taboo to talk about it since it derives from the fascist secret police (PIDE) - and the Portuguese are extremely traumatised with the fascist era.
"The main example I am familiar with is the girl who marries a deadbeat, but then is surprised when she must get a job to provide for the family and must additionally take care of the needs of the kids and husband during her non-working hours."
Oh, I know so many girls like that: it is such a shame *nodding*. And usually these girls are more educated than the deadbeats, and that is what shocks me the most...
Looney, thanks a million for your input :D!
Cheers
Hey Dux :D!
ReplyDeleteYour advice is a wise one.
I have always tried not to impose limits on people when it comes to love and relationships, but as I grow older and observe more the more I am convinced that yes, your advice is suitable...
Thanks, Dux, for this awesome comment :D!
Cheers
Ciao Max,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately many marriages, on those lines of work, break up simply because people can't cope with sensible complexities.
Nowadays words like patience, endurance, compromise and honour became trivial: it's sad...
I perfectly understand what you are saying! I have a thing in general with people who don't take their responsibilities, which doesn't mean we can't make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteBut I'd say this kind of women just don't see past what the job represent to THEM i.e. being the wife of a powerful/ rich/ admired etc. man. Complaining about the downsides of the job after doesn't make any sense. On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l'argent t beurre as the French say ;-)
ha ha...now this was wonderful reading...ummm...thoughts are always ever-changing and sometimes decisions are made on the spur of the moment...this is all part of life...to me at the end of the day...both the companions should understand each others feelings and give the little bit of space both of them require...to me family & duty should go hand in hand so that both goes on in a harmonious manner and doesn't necessarily overlap all the time...from my experience I can say, sometimes people take their work too seriously and forget everything else....nice reading!
ReplyDeleteHey Max! Sorry if I've been missing for a while, I was busy with the kids. :)
ReplyDelete*The point is: if a lady chooses to consciously embark in a relationship with all its intricacies, then she is liable for her own choices (plus its consequences), and therefore, before discontentment, she has no right to blame her man or anyone else.
Be a Woman, with capital W, and face your own music! *
Correct! Getting in a relationship with someone, no matter what profession, requires a lot of sacrifices. As my favorite quote says, "Choose thy love, and love thy choice."
Thanks for the visits sweetie. I wish you a great weekend. :)
Take care! *hugs*
I LOVE the post, especially the last sentence he he he...That sums it all. Whoever you get marry to, even though they're not doctors or fire fighters or secret agents, we have to pay the prices for all our decisions. Splendid post! :-D
ReplyDeleteHi Max,
ReplyDeleteOkay Max, what brought this on? Are you married to James Bond? Come on, you can tell us.
Marriage is as difficult or as pleasurable as we make it. In these instances, it is quality versus quantity. It may be difficult for the women, but what about the men? They get lonely too, they miss their wives. All of those professions are stressful and a relationship may add to the stress level. If couples go into it willingly, they can't complain. There may come a point when they have to change partners or change jobs.
Aren't the Portuguese women used to this kind of lifestyle as evidenced in fado and saudade.
The job doesn't matter as much as finding a partner who is loving, faithful and understanding.
Another provocative piece my darling. ^5!
Understanding Cheers!
This is really a nice and base on reality post. Women sometimes over reacting to a situation. Marrying soldier/ doctor/ secret agent/ fire fighter is a tough decision. Woman should understand the fact that she partially owns her husband. her biggest rivalry are the nation and people, so she should stop complaining. She better focus her attention to her kids.
ReplyDeleteMax:
ReplyDeleteI actually agree with you everything you wrote.
A long, ling time ago, I married a beautiful young woman. We didn’t have a lick of education, as was the case with many young adults in those days, so before long, I got the bright idea that we should go to college to help us move up in the world. But she didn’t like that idea. She did not want to go to college herself, and she would not work and help pay my way through college. She said too many women got screwed doing it that way. When the husbands graduated, they left their wives for younger women. I thought it was a strange thing for such a young woman to say, but, okay, I’d support her and pay my own way through school.
So I worked full time (40+ hours per week, and attended college full time at night (Classes Monday-Thursday, three hours per night for twelve semester hours). It was a big chunk of work. And naturally, that meant I’d have to spend a lot of time on the weekends studying. And I used the time wisely and studied hard. Subsequently, I made the Dean’s list every semester with a GPA of at least 3.8. Not too shabby for a guy who grew up in the Mojave Desert. Then the bitching came. She was never satisfied. I spent too much time at work. I spent too much time at school. She was lonely. She was horny. It never ended. Again I pleaded with her to attend a few classes. Meet new people. Stimulate the old gray matter. Do something. I didn’t care what: an artist, a nuclear physicist. Anything. At the very least we’d enjoy the educational experience together, and we’d both share the satisfaction of contributing to out future wellbeing. But no dice, she didn’t want to go to school and she didn’t want to work. She just wanted to stay home. And the years of our youth slowly ticked by. Finally, graduation was in sight.
But unfortunately, on the eve of graduation we went through a very nasty divorce. For me, it was emotionally and financially devastating. I loved the girl. By the way, while I was busting my brains at school, I discovered that she was having an affair. How nice. No wonder she didn’t want to spend all those hours in a boring classroom. Algebra can’t compete with sex. Anyway, we were divorced and two years later she married an engineer. I don’t know what kind of heel he went through. But two years after they were married, they were divorced. It’s a funny world.
I think the lesson to be learned from all of this crap is: Do a little pre-planning before you tie the knot. Get to know the person a little better. For instance, if you’re the real possessive type, and you’re a doctor and he’s a lawyer, you’d better think real hard before you say, “I do.” We all know that doctors and lawyers work long, tiring hours. In your pre-planning period, honestly ask yourself what you really want from a marriage: money, companionship, sex, adventure, security, love, a human punching bag or a business partner. Why on earth would you agree to share the rest of your life with someone without knowing why? Answer that question correctly and I guarantee you’ll be a Slumdog Millionaire.
Max, just my two cents.
Happy trails.
Ciao C.C. :D!
ReplyDelete"Unfortunately many marriages, on those lines of work, break up simply because people can't cope with sensible complexities.
Nowadays words like patience, endurance, compromise and honour became trivial: it's sad... "
So true. It is sad indeed, and disappointing too *nodding*...
C.C, thank you so much for your input :D!
Cheers
Hey Zhu :D!
ReplyDelete"I have a thing in general with people who don't take their responsibilities, which doesn't mean we can't make mistakes."
Of course...
"But I'd say this kind of women just don't see past what the job represent to THEM i.e. being the wife of a powerful/ rich/ admired etc. man."
I so know what you mean, girl *nodding*...
"Complaining about the downsides of the job after doesn't make any sense. On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l'argent t beurre as the French say ;-) "
It doesn't make sense at all - I mean, it only goes to show that some people just act on an impulse (they do not make use of reason), which is sad.
LOL LOL c'est vrai quand même!
Zhu, thank you so much for your super comment :D!
Cheers
Hey Kalyan :D!
ReplyDelete"ha ha...now this was wonderful reading"
lol I am glad you liked it *bowing*.
"...ummm...thoughts are always ever-changing and sometimes decisions are made on the spur of the moment...this is all part of life...to me at the end of the day...both the companions should understand each others feelings and give the little bit of space both of them require...to me family & duty should go hand in hand so that both goes on in a harmonious manner and doesn't necessarily overlap all the time"
*nodding in utter agreement*...beautifully said...
"...from my experience I can say, sometimes people take their work too seriously and forget everything else....nice reading!"
lol sometimes, yes...you are right...
Thanks, man :D!
Kalyan, thanks a million for this awesome comment :D!
Cheers
Hey Liza :D!
ReplyDelete"Sorry if I've been missing for a while, I was busy with the kids. :)"
You are quite forgiven :D! Aaah, children: they always come first :).
"Correct! Getting in a relationship with someone, no matter what profession, requires a lot of sacrifices. As my favorite quote says, "Choose thy love, and love thy choice.""
True. Amen to that quote!
"Thanks for the visits sweetie. I wish you a great weekend. :)"
It's my pleasure :D!. Thanks, and have a blessed weekend yourself, darling :)!
*Hugs*
Hi Amel :D!
ReplyDelete"I LOVE the post, especially the last sentence he he he...That sums it all. Whoever you get marry to, even though they're not doctors or fire fighters or secret agents, we have to pay the prices for all our decisions. Splendid post! :-D"
I am glad you loved it :D! True that is, my darling...so true. Thanks :D!
Amel, thank you so much for your great comment :D!
Cheers
Hi Lady A :D!
ReplyDelete"Okay Max, what brought this on? Are you married to James Bond? Come on, you can tell us."
LOL...girl, I would never get married to James Bond; he sleeps around too much and I'd probably end up with a STD - I don't need the hastle *nodding*...
"Marriage is as difficult or as pleasurable as we make it. In these instances, it is quality versus quantity."
I agree...
"It may be difficult for the women, but what about the men? They get lonely too, they miss their wives."
Exactly, but some people tend to see things from their own angle only...if you know what I mean...
"All of those professions are stressful and a relationship may add to the stress level. If couples go into it willingly, they can't complain. There may come a point when they have to change partners or change jobs."
*nodding in agreement*...
"Aren't the Portuguese women used to this kind of lifestyle as evidenced in fado and saudade."
LOL they should, but nowadays some of them don't care: they do not want to feel saudade any longer; and they tell fado to take a hike "there are no gang signals on the dance-floor" *shrugging*....
"The job doesn't matter as much as finding a partner who is loving, faithful and understanding."
Hear, Hear!!
"Another provocative piece my darling. ^5!"
^5 "You know how we do!".... ;)
Lady A, thanks a million for this awesome comment :D!
Blessed Weekend Cheers
Hello Burn :D!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the MAX experience :)!
"This is really a nice and base on reality post."
Thank you *bowing*!
"Women sometimes over reacting to a situation. Marrying soldier/ doctor/ secret agent/ fire fighter is a tough decision."
It is a tough decision indeed...but once made, one must face the music (preferably with wisdom).
"Woman should understand the fact that she partially owns her husband."
I'd say women does not own their husbands at all. It is not a question of ownership...it is a question of loving (& respecting) each other and sharing a life together (with all that encompasses a relationship).
"She better focus her attention to her kids."
For those who have kids; yes...kids come first - absolutely!
Burn, thank you ever so much for sharing your thoughts with us - I loved it. Be sure that you are welcome here any time :D!
Cheers
Hey Swu :D!
ReplyDelete"I actually agree with you everything you wrote."
Oh my God!! It must be the end of the world LOL LOL ;)...
"A long, ling time ago, I married a beautiful young woman. We didn’t have a lick of education, as was the case with many young adults in those days, so before long, I got the bright idea that we should go to college to help us move up in the world. But she didn’t like that idea. She did not want to go to college herself, and she would not work and help pay my way through college."
It was a great idea, Swu...pity she didn't want to follow you...
"She said too many women got screwed doing it that way. When the husbands graduated, they left their wives for younger women. I thought it was a strange thing for such a young woman to say, but, okay, I’d support her and pay my own way through school."
My mom has a friend to whom that happened. She worked her butt off to pay her husband's college, he graduated, he opened an office and was quite successful...after a while he dumped her for a younger woman *nodding*. The wife was torn and felt betrayed.
"So I worked full time (40+ hours per week, and attended college full time at night (Classes Monday-Thursday, three hours per night for twelve semester hours). It was a big chunk of work. And naturally, that meant I’d have to spend a lot of time on the weekends studying. And I used the time wisely and studied hard. Subsequently, I made the Dean’s list every semester with a GPA of at least 3.8."
Wow, Swu...well done, man *High 5*!! Admirable, my friend :D!
"Then the bitching came. She was never satisfied. I spent too much time at work. I spent too much time at school. She was lonely. She was horny. It never ended."
Oh God...
"Again I pleaded with her to attend a few classes. Meet new people. Stimulate the old gray matter. Do something. I didn’t care what: an artist, a nuclear physicist. Anything. At the very least we’d enjoy the educational experience together, and we’d both share the satisfaction of contributing to out future wellbeing. But no dice, she didn’t want to go to school and she didn’t want to work. She just wanted to stay home. And the years of our youth slowly ticked by. Finally, graduation was in sight."
Yes, yes...that was a good plan. She wanted to stay at home still? Why? Hmmm...suspicious....
"But unfortunately, on the eve of graduation we went through a very nasty divorce. For me, it was emotionally and financially devastating. I loved the girl."
:(
"By the way, while I was busting my brains at school, I discovered that she was having an affair. How nice."
What?! *nodding*....
"Algebra can’t compete with sex."
LOL LOL LOL...that was a good one...
"Anyway, we were divorced and two years later she married an engineer. I don’t know what kind of heel he went through. But two years after they were married, they were divorced. It’s a funny world."
She was obviously the problem...
"I think the lesson to be learned from all of this crap is: Do a little pre-planning before you tie the knot. Get to know the person a little better."
Absolutely!! I couldn't agree more with you.
"Max, just my two cents."
Wonderful two cents, Swu...thank you so much for this magnificent comment :D!
And thanks for sharing your personal experience with us: it is a great lesson to us all.
Cheers
Max:
ReplyDeleteThis is embarrassing. I didn't know that I submitted two comments. I thought one was truncated, so I started all over. Please head the second one off at the pass, so your readers won't be annoyed.
Happy trails.
I have to say that I take the side of the wife in all of this. As far as I am concerned they have every right to express their likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to keeping the family together.
ReplyDeleteFar too often men in a relationship dedicate too much time to their work, leaving their wives and kids to fend for themselves both physically and emotionally.
Family should always come first, with quite a few men realising this too late and suffering the consequences of a failed marriage as a result.
Men must always go out of their way to give their families quality time even if they have a busy job. It's just the right thing to do in any relationship.
Yes, they have responsibilities to their line of work but as I said family should always come first.
Take Care,
Peter
Hi! I'll be away over Christmas so I'm here early to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year – take care, Peter
ReplyDeleteInteresting how blind many people who enter into relationships choose to be. It is also interesting how many people believe they can change or will change the behavior of another when they get married. This really is insane is it not. Good post.
ReplyDeleteMax, one perspecive is all relationships are in a constant state of evolution, motion and change. Every individual is also in a state of change. Regardless of what is imagined or understood at one stage of a relationship, new inisght or other levels of insight come come into play during the course of every relationship. You love unconditionally or you resist. One can choose to evolve together, communicate or not. It is always possible to love people as they are and choose not to judge. How we respnd to others reflects messages about how we feel inside about ourselves. We set an example with a loving and forgiving energy vibration or, we resonate something else which reflects we reject part of ourselves. Food for thought is to make the most of the time you are given and recognize you may never completely understand anohter person's point of view. After all, that is not your job. You exist to better understand and heal the self.
ReplyDelete